ryeloaf:

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

Every Episode of Chopped

mywonderneverland:

Contestant: I’m making a bouillabaisse. That’s basically a fish stew. 

Me: Damn, then call it a stew, Barry. You’re making it with sardines and fruit roll ups for Christsake. 

sizzleshorts:

commiekinkshamer:

i would pay a lot of money for a complete list of everyone who’s ever had a crush on me